Recently, someone inquired about the catalyst for my spiritual growth, and I responded candidly, attributing it to the realization that acquiring everything I desired only yielded fleeting satisfaction, prompting me to ponder: is this truly all there is?
Growing up, my mother instilled in me the importance of working hard to attain the material possessions I desired. One experience that vividly illustrates this lesson was when I wanted to visit New York City, a six-hour drive from our home in Buffalo, New York. My mother presented me with a challenge: if I could sell all of my boxes of candy turtles, she would take me to New York City. I was both thrilled and intimidated by the prospect, as she had given me only one day to sell five boxes, with 12 turtles in each. To accomplish this task, I had to navigate Bailey Avenue, approaching strangers and inquiring if they would be interested in purchasing a box of candy turtles. While some individuals agreed to buy from me, I faced significantly more rejections. As frustration mounted and tears threatened to fall, I was tempted to abandon my efforts. Nevertheless, recalling my desire to visit New York City, I summoned the resolve to persevere and ultimately succeeded in selling all of the boxes of turtles.
Time for New York Cityy! During my trip to New York City, it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. The streets were unclean and crowded. Every street someone was walking up to us attempting to sell us something. The food was okay. I remember wearing boots that were too small. My feet were hurting from walking. The only thing I liked about this trip was spending time with my mother. Before this trip, I imagined New York City to be fun, happy and had plenty of delicious food. As any 11 year old would imagine. It was the opposite. On our charter bus ride back to Buffalo, I thought to myself, I sold all those boxes of turtle for this. Stop playing. No one knows this, well now y’all do. I cried almost the entire way back home. When we arrived to Buffalo, I hid my actual feelings about the trip. I didn’t want my mother to call me ungrateful so I said I had a lot of fun. I wonder if she knew I was lying. I didn’t ask to go to New York City after that.
My adolescent years involved traveling to New York City, where I encountered what I thought were my desires, only to discover unmet expectations, leading to short-term satisfaction and material acquisitions. As an adult, experiencing idealized relationships and material gain led me to reflect inwardly, wondering, 'Isn't there more to life?' While initially I felt unappreciative, I later understood that my feelings were valid.
I shared this story to encourage self-reflection. While it may initially feel uncomfortable, it is crucial for personal evolution. Do you aspire to develop a greater understanding of yourself? As the entity most intimately familiar with your experiences, you possess unparalleled insight into your own life. If the world appears to be at odds with your perceptions, seek guidance from within, remain patient while awaiting a response, and relinquish the need for control.
Evolution is not intended to be flawless. It is not meant to fulfill all expectations. If it were, it would be uninteresting. What is the excitement in knowing everything? Release all that does not add value and be free to be yourself.